Terrible, Horrible, Miserable Awful Day!!

Part of this does not relate to infertility, but I must vent. We have had a most hideous day. I called my RE after 4 days of horrendous bleeding. She advised me to go the ER. When I called my DH to tell him, he answer the phone and said, "He's got a month". He was referring to his dad. He has been fighting a long battle with cancer and the doc told them today that it won't be long. The cancer has gone to his brain and all over his one remaining lung and they think he is having mini strokes. it is awful. DH is a wreck. I am feeling really bad about this because we decided to start trying harder to get preg about a year ago. Then my SIL announced that she was pregnant (about 20 minutes after DH and i made our decision she called). I acted like a spoiled brat and called it off, because I didn't want to be accused of trying to upstage her. Of course, she gave birth 6 weeks later. The idiot was 7 1/2 months pregnant and just figured it out!!! Anyway, the part that really gets me is that had we went ahead with the plan we might very well have a baby now and my father in law would have gotten to see him/her. Now, it does not look like there is any chance of that. He may not even be around to hear the announcement that one is on the way. Stupid, selfish, spoiled brat!!!!!!! I am so mad at me!! My friend went with me to the ER (which was absolutley humilitiaing). Thank goodness they did not do a pelvic exam. My BP was through the roof. I wonder why?? Anyway, my hemoglobin was low , but not yet to the blood transfusion stage. The ER doc asked what the game plan was and I told him it was to start Clomid after this. He wanted to call the RE and ask her if she wanted me to start that now to maybe slow down the bleeding. I don't think the duntz even knew what Clomid was!! They told me to come back in a few days if it has not stopped or if it gets worse. I have an appointment with my new RE on Nov. 19. I hope I live until then. These backwoods docs might kill me off. PS - they did a serum HCG - BFN. No REALLY??? Who could have guessed? I told the dopes that when I came in! Sorry for the length, but I have had a month's worth of upheavel in one day. (and that is not even all of it.)

I know exactly how you feel! My grandmother is very sick. We have been ttc for two years now and I have a feeling that she will not live long to hear I am even pregnant! There is nothing I would like better than to give her a good news.... I am very sorry about your father in law. I hope your new RE works out a solid plan for you on how to proceed. I hope your bleeding stops in the nearest future. Many hugs!!!

I'm really sorry for what you are going through. Do not blame yourself for the not getting pregnant. this is life and someties we take decisions we then regeret but there is anything we can do about it. If I think I waited almost 10 year to start TTC because I was sure it will happen so easily and now i struggle with infertility I want to kick myself but ..what can I/we do????? ((HUGS))

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